How to Handling Bullying as a Parent
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, approximately 20% of US students aged 12-18 experience bullying annually. Bullying includes in-person, cyberbullying, spreading rumors, name-calling, physical behaviors, and exclusion behaviors. Bullying is a recurring behavior.
I remember being a kid before bullying was even a term, back in my day it was referred to as being teased or picked on. Sadly, I do not believe there were any official policies or procedures on how to handle these perpetrated behaviors that we now know inflict harm and can even cause suicide.
I have several years of experience working within two different school systems, both having zero tolerance for bullying policies and have worked with countless adolescents and parents who describe horrible bullying behaviors perpetrated on them/their kids with little meaningful support or intervention from the schools. I have utmost respect for our educators and cannot believe they would knowingly allow these damaging behaviors to continue.
Bullying is a complex behavior perpetrated by those attempting to meet their needs of belonging, significance, and/or security through maladaptive and misguided means.
I 100% believe that anyone can be bullied for any reason and being bullied has no reflection on one personally. One can get bullied for being too pretty or too ugly, too smart or struggling with school, athletic or not athletic, no one is safe. Adults MUST intervene to end bullying behaviors, protect children, and encourage meaningful repair.
As a parent, talk to your children about bullying. Run scenarios through with them and train them how to respond.
Train your children to report bullying to you, other trusted adults, and staff. (Know that often kids do not report bullying because they feel humiliation and shame.)
Reassure your child that they did the right thing, bullying is serious, adults need to be involved, NOTHING is wrong with them, anyone could be targeted, and that you will be working to help them feel safe.
If bullying is happening at school (on the bus), contact your kid’s teacher/school counselor/principal and report the behavior. Ask for proof of the response and follow up. Consider contacting the parent/s of the child/ren perpetrating the bullying behavior.
Document dates, incidents, contacts, and keep records.
If the behavior is happening outside of school, address with the parent/s of the perpetrators and with the kid/s directly, or with leadership (coach, church leader, neighbor, etc.). Demand an end to the behavior, and a plan for protection and repair.
If it’s cyberbullying, take screenshots, document, and report to the various platforms as violations. Notify parents and systems. Consider closing your child’s accounts and getting them off social media. Monitor their online usage and communications.
Listen to your child’s wishes and solicit input on how to handle the bullying. Keeping in mind that you are the adult and may need to make unpopular decisions in the interest of safety. (ie. Child wants to move school systems. Does not want you to report. Wants to quit going to a certain activity/group.)
Consider getting your child involved with professional counseling or psychotherapy.
If you have tried the appropriate channels with little success to stop the bullying behavior or find the systems or parent/s to not be responsive, consider petitioning for an order of protection, or consult with an attorney or advocacy group to discuss. In the State of Wisconsin, the appropriate forms can be found here. And for the State of Minnesota here. Orders for protection (restraining orders, injunctions, etc.) are civil actions with criminal consequences for violation.
In extreme bullying cases involving physical violence, threats, stalking, harassment, assault, or cyberbullying consider making a complaint to local law enforcement.
If the bullying involves harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion, you may consider reporting it to The US Office of Education Civil Rights.
Seek support from your trusted friends and family members as you address the bullying. Do not give up until your child feels safe.
Get your child involved in prosocial activities and groups where they find belonging, meaning, and significance.
Coriander Living Collective takes bullying behaviors seriously. We are here to support you as a parent navigating bullying issues with your child or to work with children ages 13+ that are impacted by bullying. Look for last minute intake openings here.
