Bibliotherapy: Magnificent Sex by Kleinplatz & Ménard
Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D. and A. Dana Ménard, Ph.D. in their book, Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers share research and insights gathered from conducting interviews with extraordinary lovers. They realized there was much research on sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction, but little evidence on magnificent sex. Here is what they learned from their Optimal Sexual Experiences Research:
Magnificent sex, “it can be life altering.”
When someone claims, “If I never had sex again, I wouldn’t miss it,” or has low sexual desire/frequency which is defined as sex less than 12 times a year, it may indicate “low desire for lousy sex.” What has been the quality of their sexual encounters? “Was it sex worth wanting?” Reported silence or loneliness during sex are indicators of low satisfaction. “Occasional dud encounters" are to be expected and do not show to deteriorate the overall quality of the sexual relationship if less than 15% of the time.
The Eight Major Components of Magnificent Sex:
1- Being Completely Present/Embodied
2- Connection/Merger
3- Deep Intimacy
4- Extraordinary Communication/Empathy
5- Being Authentic
6- Vulnerability/Surrender
7- Exploration/Risk-taking/Fun
8- Transcendence/Transformation
Magnificent sex, “No one can tell you how to do it.”
Partners prioritize and cherish their bond, like one another (love was rarely mentioned by interviewees), act gently and tenderly, and have deep respect and trust for each other.
Specific sex acts were little mentioned in their research outside of kissing. Intercourse was irrelevant.
There is a need to unlearn and overcome limited sex scripts that are culturally taught.
“Great sex takes intentionality,” a private and safe place, and time.
Partners must have the willingness to “go there,” feel worthy of sexual pleasure, and know what they want and refuse to settle.
The right partner and sex can be a corrective and healing experience.
Focusing on the quality of sex vs. the frequency of sex in a relationship can avoid the “sexual relationship death spiral.”
Most people report magnificent sex starting in midlife, often in their 40s/50s/60s and beyond.
Kleinplatz and Ménard highlight what is possible, not what is mandatory. If you aspire for magnificent sex, whether you are yet to have it, you will find this book informative. There is hope!
Coriander Living Collective works from an integrative and holistic approach to wellness, all aspects of self including sexuality are important expressions of self. We are here to support you. Reach out for a free consultation!
